My Moments to Breathe

Monday, January 27, 2014

Late night...or early morning...!?



It is 5:45 am and I still haven't fallen asleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long cranky day. I don't know whether to root for school to be cancelled so I can have my girl home or to root for school to still be on so I can at least have a 2 hour nap. 

Well, I caught that nasty cold Laila had. At first it was no big deal and I was all like "if this is what a cold is like, you non  diseased people are babies." I spoke to soon. Granted, yes, this cold is still easier to breathe than my 18% lung days and I can still do things. It seems like now I have caught an infection...or worse. I am going to the doctors on Tuesday to get it all checked out and I guess I may need a bronch sooner than they thought, to clean me out and check stuff out. I wasn't able to keep any food down on Saturday, I even tossed the apple juice and graham cracker I ate to make my low sugar of 48 go back up to normal. 

My skin is back to being very sensitive and my chest where the sternum is is burning. My arm that was "normal" now seems to be giving my trouble with the "going numb" and "getting hot" thing...blood clot...?!...I don't know how because I am on blood thinner. I guess thats something else they will need to look at on Tues. I honestly just am GRRR!

I have my good days, my ok days, my not so good days, and my bad days....yeah, its normal and I can tell myself that until I am blue in the face but I want perfection. I want it all. I want no infection, rejection, I want to be healed, 100% o2 level, 100% fev1, my weight back up, no diabetes, no blood clots, no anything...just all healed and perfect. 

I am aware that most of this is a good pain because its not pain that is getting worse and making me sicker, but pain that is going to slow down and make me healthier (if that makes sense like it did in my head I am not sure!) Like I said I just want to feel normal again. I got my new lungs, now I want to use them as perfect as they were. As I was sitting in bed in middle of the night, my mind wandering, I started to feel bad for my new bling...they were used to a healthy life without mucus, coughing, or fighting to stay in the body. They were happy....now they have to work!

Laila is still happy to be home and starting to remember that I am a push over...hence the little girl sprawled out in our bed. Jeremy has a cold too so we have been trying to battle through it, luckily he still has enough go to get everything ready for dinner, to clean, and to take Laila when I just need 5 minutes. I owe him.

I hope you all are keeping warm and safe this winter, YUCK...isn't it nasty?! I know my plans are to snuggle up in a heating blanket and read a book today (after a little nap...whenever it is that I finally get tired.) I am wishing that I feel a little better so I can straighten up this house, its a clutter and I hate that! 

Have a good day at work, school, or staying home out of the snow!

1 comment:

  1. hope you feel better soon!! prayers and love from VA

    ReplyDelete