My Moments to Breathe

Thursday, April 10, 2014

I love my lungs

Ahhhh! The last of the reminders of my death are now gone. Now its all about health and living. Yesterday I was able to get my feeding tube pulled! I can't even begin to tell  you how wonderful that felt. Absolutely wonderful. It may sound corny, or somewhat dramatic...but I don't mean it to. That tube was really the last reminder of how sick I had gotten, how close to death I was. It was one of the last steps I needed to be fully aware of where I am now. And how blessed I have been that the journey has been as smooth as it is.

These past 2 weeks things have been hitting me. I ran with Laila. I walked around running errands for 4 hours without getting tired. I was driving in the car singing at the top of my lungs and holding that huge note Elsa busts during "Let it Go" and was able to actually hold it plus some. I am able to have parties. I can keep up with five 5 year olds. I can get the groceries, cook, clean, give Lai a bath, and do laundry all in the same not pass out at 9 pm. What is all this?! IT IS LIVING. I am LIVING. I am breathing, my body is gaining weight and strength, I have more energy. It makes me a little giddy.

I know that Jeremy is happy to have a wife back. I know he is excited and relived that he doesn't have to constantly pull double or triple duty. He gets to be a husband, dad, and someone who can come home and try and relax. I am glad I can somewhat give him that back.

I also know how much happier Laila has been. She doesn't get placed infront of a tv whenever she is home. Now she gets to play, laugh, help cook, do chores...learn chores, make art, and just have a Mom. Really and truly if you think about it, I have been sick for about 2 or 3 years....she doesn't remember what its like to have a "normal" Mom. And now that she does, she is the happiest little girl. She is learning what a Mom is like as much as I am learning what its like to be a Mom (in a way.) She is my buddy!

My family gets to have their daughter, sister, niece, cousin back...I was told they missed her. I missed all of you too. Love that I can keep up with you all know. Still looking forward to my trip to the outlets and Cedarburg with my mom and Aunt. You girls owe me one :)

Thank you all so  much for everything you have done for us. It is still very humbling when people tell me how they have been praying so hard, or how happy they are for me, or that they read this blog, or that they follow me story, etc. It is crazy! I actually had another very humbling and exciting thing happen...I was asked to write an article for Forward in Christ and should be coming out in the May edition. That was nerve racking!

My spiro (measurement of my lungs) keeps climbing as well. I am sad if I get anything below a 3.0 and when I started I was excited to get above a 1.0! It is awesome to watch and feel these lungs expand and just love being lungs. I still love my old lungs, and respect them even more for all the work and crud they went through. They worked harder than any organ should have to work, and the did it as much as they could. CF just won over. CF sucks. But these lungs will never know CF. The rest of my body still does and the rest of my body still hates CF. But luckily since these lungs are so amazing, my body is able to fight that CF even better now. Kicking some CF butt and taking names. I am weighing at 104.4 with a BMI of 18%. Of that 18%....the goal I was trying to reach pre transplant. Well, I reached it and plan on passing it. Take that CF!

Hope you all are enjoying the warmer weather. I know we have been. Laila got her new bike for her birthday, and we have been teaching her how to throw a ball and how to grip a bat the correct way. Patience. I keep thinking in my head....we have a ballerina not a ball player. But I am determined to make sure she at least knows some softball. Its in the Zell blood. 

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