Just been thinking about this

I have been so down and out this last week and a half. YUCK! I think this cold is a super cold that doesn't want anybody who has it to get better. I have been on antibiotics for over a week and although feeling better, I'm not feeling great.

I am still having fun with my camera and am itching to feel better so that I can take more pictures of people. And waiting to get back to Michigan where I have a few people to shoot. Laila is just going to have to get used to her mom dressing her up and making her pose. 

I have to still catch up on my blog but need to get pictures to go with it...so be patient because I still get to cross a few things off my list. But in a little bit I may have to take a step back from hitting it hard and work on my health and getting ready for my evaluation.

It still scares me and I still can't say, hear or even type those two words without having tears come to my eyes. It's all getting so real, not just talk but the real deal. And this is just to get on the list...whats going to happen when I am on the list. Jeremy and I have talked quite a bit on how our world will change once my name is put on that list. So I am trying to take a deep breath and enjoy the life I have known for 30 years and the time I have left before it gets all turned around. Yes, I know that it will be for the good in the long run. But right now it is in the scary real life part. I just need to get healthy, get thru the eval and then get all my ducks in a row before my name is on a list.

Think about it for a minute, being on a transplant list. Is it like hoping somebody dies so that maybe you can live? Guilt that I pray everyday I don't have. I try not to think about it in that way. More like a gift from God and the family of that person...and really from that person. I will have another persons organ in my body helping me live...its not mine anymore. Wow thats crazy if you let yourself really consider that. No wonder you have to have a stronger mental constitution going into this. I don't know how to breathe any other way than with MY lungs. I don't know how to breathe with anybody elses GOOD lungs. J

Just think about that.