My Moments to Breathe

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Another night...another medicine

Back from MI and back on my PICC meds. The funeral was nice and the fmaily is doing well. Thanks for all those who stopped by or sent their thoughts and prayers. 

We left our little lady behind at Ge and PaPops house and she barley talked to me today because she was loving life so much. The only thing I know about today is that she got new underwear...gosh, Lai, thanks for letting me know all the important details! But it is nice because today I got to sleep when I wanted to and since this week is the turn in feeling a bit better again, I will get to clean without a somebody "helping." But ugh I miss her so much. Luckily there are so many pictures of her in this house that I still get to see her little face.

I started Pulmonary Rehab today and now am going 3 times a week (again going tomorrow!) But since I am starting to feel better and knowing that this rehab will help even more I am slowly getting back to my old self...back to the girl who has fight left in her. I just hope this can last awhile. I am ready for the crazy next few weeks and months to come. My little ducks are slowly getting in order and that makes me feel a bit better.

I am not going to sit here and tell you that I am ok with the lung transplant, because those are 2 words that my mind can't quite grasp...basically because I won't let it. I still need to mentally prepare for it. And in a week I may need to do that sooner. So for all those I call (I know its a very very short list) for some extra strength, be prepared for it. My friends and family are so important in this part of my life and this now is when I need you the most.

I still am not sure about the port. Yes, it would be easier and less stress. And since my arm is bruised so badly and itches like crazy my mind screams GET IT! But then I think of the Cassie I know I am...she so doesn't want it. I don't want to see my CF when I don't have to. Not that I am ashamed I am sick or have this disease...because its a part of me and I wear it on my sleeve. Just not sure I want to wear it on my chest for everyone and myself to see. (Still trying to talk myself into it and make sure Cassie down the road will be ok with the decision!)

Another battle. Another scar...or 2...or 3.

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