My Moments to Breathe

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Back at it!

I know it has been way too long. I feel bad because I got a few phone calls and texts to make sure I am ok since I have been so MIA. I am fine, just been cleaning, relaxing and doing some IV antibiotics through my port. I am still not sure how I am feeling about my port. I figure as long as I have it it will always just be a love hate relationship.

Life has been interesting already in the 1 month that I have been on the list. My house is getting super clean. My anxiety is getting better. I am getting homesick. I am spending a ton of time with Laila and Jeremy, and waiting for all the company this next month. Its awesome having such a cool family.

I still get anxious when my phone rings and it has happened twice now that the phone number has been a Madison area code when I answer...thinking its going to be the call! Well, obviously neither of the have been the call and both times I have had a small panic attack afterwards. Anxiety, fear, relief, tears, and just quiet. How do people do this? How do people survive the dry runs? If I am like this when the call isn't really the call...what am I going to do if its a dry run. Luckily, this last time Jeremy was with me to help with the nerves and get me back to reality. Good advice of, "Take a deep breath, your life is exactly the same as it was 2  minutes ago. Breathe." I feel I will take those words with me during this waiting period. 

I am still enjoying the love that is my camera and had a model this weekend fly out and let me spend all day getting lost in Washington County finding fun spots to shoot. I think it is time to buy a tripod so I can have a little fun too (granted Angie did take 3 pics of me and offered to take more...but I wasn't feeling it because I am having some problems with me lately.) Here is one of the pics I took of my sis:

It is amazing how life can change and not change all at the same time. Even though I have been taking time off, I feel I have nothing to report, nothing of interest. My lung function was a 20% and that number is very scary. Only a my lungs could quit because of the work load of only working at a 20%. So needless to say I am trying to take deep slow breaths and put the oxygen on to help with that workload. But I suppose there is not much else to do but make sure I stay on top of infections, try to eat, rest and relax. (Meaning my nails have been looking AWESOME lately!!) 

They taught Jeremy and I how to access the port ourselves, so Jeremy felt very cool being able to pull a needle out of me and then later wearing a mask and gloves to stick a needle back into the port. I have to give him some big props because he did an amazing job, it didn't hurt and it went straight in (more than I can say for when they did it at the hospital!) Plus the guy does it so calmly and without question that it makes me feel so confident and relaxed myself. I believe that God gave me him because there aren't too many people who would be able or willing to do the things he does for my health. But not only does he do them no problem, he does them without question. He does them with the motto that we have all held onto, "You gotta do what you gotta do when you gotta do them!"  Plus, not only did the man take Laila with him to the store so I could have a few minutes by myself, but they brought me back a Culvers shake and a hag mag so I can pack on the pounds and feel better. AWWW! Thanks Jer Jon!


  1. 'Think of you often Cassie! You are an amazing woman.....!!! Love to your family!

  2. Yay! Makes me smile. Love the way you two work together. <3 AND I love that green on you! It's beautiful! :) Thanks for the update! Love you. Glad you're relaxing and keeping up your health. xo