My Moments to Breathe

Monday, November 26, 2012

Can I have a hit off your oxygen over there?!

I hate being sick. But what is worse is when you are 50x times sicker than you had thought. Thats how my day has been. This is the first time most of you will hear, but I am sitting in Madison hooked up to about 4 things. Not a very pretty sight. And my NP uttered the words, "you are towards the end of CF." GULP. The truth sometimes is way too harsh.

I came into the hospital knowing I was going to stay for a few days to get things moving on the month long sickness that has ruled my life. Well, looks like I am in for almost a week. Every number was way too high or way too low and I feel like a CF failure. And I know many of you don't like hearing me say that and can disagree to you are blue in the face, but I do feel like one.

My oxygen was at 87%. Yeap 87% so thats one test I don't have to take, cause I already failed it...Cassie gets oxygen for home. My heart rate won't go below 112 because of the no oxygen thing, heck my blood was even like BLACK. I am a whole...wait for it...96 lbs! Yeap lost 6 lbs. And I could go on but will save you all my sad grumpy mood. Lets just say I have a huge uphill battle to fight, and fast. I am also in talks with meeting a member of the transplant team and getting that whole things really rolling. So to sum this all up...SCARED.

But oxygen has proved to be my best companion right now, in a matter of 30 minutes my oxygen had already gone up to 92% and I am thinking that I will be able to get an ok night sleep tonight. (After I order more food, even if it is 5gm, right Jeremy!) So I hope I can be well rested for whatever the game plan is for tomorrow. 

I am so sorry this entire blog seems like a downer, I just am in a CF can suck it kind of mood. But I am hoping all my friends and family are having a good day and can be thankful for the health most of them have. Don't take it or time with people you love for granted. You never know when it could be taken away. While I can think of a few families who know this feeling and I love you guys very much. Go hug your children or call you Mom to just chat or sit down with your spouse and hold their hand. 

Like I said this is a battle...but one I need to beat so I can win the war.

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