My Moments to Breathe

Sunday, March 24, 2013

How to feel?



A nice weekend to just forget everything before the big crazy 2 weeks comes up. Thanks to a fun night out of Friday, shopping Saturday and a nice relaxing Sunday...it was exactly what I needed!

I had a doctors appointment on Friday and I do have to say I am so glad that it was so close to my eval because it calmed my nerves down a bit and let me know where I stand and a plan of action for after. Now the bad news is I only way 96 lbs and I still need to gain about 8 lbs to get my 18% BMI...but I am prepared to fight as hard as I can about that. And I am not the only CFer who is underweight or ever will be during the eval. Brooke my NP told me that having a GTube will help me with this fight. Now for news that stinks even more...my lungs are down to a 22% FEV1. Ugh another 4% lose and it only took a month to do that.. I am on orals still and now will be getting a tune up again after eval (or during...) My lungs better get their act together or I will give them the boot faster than I thought...warning.

Brooke did help me calm many of my nerves down about the process and my fear of rejection. She did say my eight would have to go up before I qualify and there may be something that I have to do before I can be on the list. Some "hoops" to jump through, but she also told me not to get discouraged about that and to stay with a good goal in mind.. I am getting mentally prepared for that. Crazy how most of this is all mental, right?! But as one Fibro says "One of the most important parts of being healthy is being mentally healthy to accomplish all you have to do to be physically healthy." Yes, that is so true.

These next 2 weeks are going to be crazy busy. And I am so many emotions in 1 that I can't even say what they all are...excited, happy, nervous, scared, sad, ready, not ready. And thats just the tip of the iceberg. I want to not thing about those two scary words this entire week but its like HELLO they need to be the 2 words that I think about all the time. Well, that and "food" too. But I guess that big Zell motto comes up and takes charge..."You gotta do what you gotta do when you gotta do it." So this is just what I have to do no matter how I feel or how others feel.

At least the madness is keeping my mind off stuff. And Hail yes, I have the Wolverines winning it all. GO BLUE!

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