My Moments to Breathe

Wednesday, August 14, 2013


Here I am again on "bed rest" for at least a day. I coughed up more blood. Bright, red, thick, blood. I am facing my biggest fear again. How does this happen?

I had called the doctor today to say that I was going to bite the bullet and go on antibiotics for another week since I was starting to feel a little better finally. Maybe I was wrong, or maybe this was the last bit that needed to come up and now heal. I have no idea. Just no idea. I am going to call in the morning to let my doctors know this happened. I need new lungs.

The weird thing was it came out of NO WHERE! I was taking some senior pictures when my rattling was starting to go crazy, I just kept clearing it...then I tasted that taste. I excused myself from the senior (poor boy, I am sure it wasn't the most pleasant to hear!) and went to the other side of the building to spit stuff out. And one of the scariest things is, my lungs just fill up fast with blood again so I have to keep coughing and spitting. It is not very pretty to look down at the grass and see pure blood coming from an organ in your body. My lungs are bleeding. I knew I couldn't go home to put a Hello Kitty band-aid on them, but knew I needed to go home and have Jer help.

So I told them I needed to leave and would take more another time. Thankfully this family is more than understanding and didn't have a problem with it. As a matter of fact, the senior went and picked up my car so I didn't have to walk anymore. I got in my car and went home to Jer. He helped me into bed with O2 and just had my stay there for awhile. He went to the store for me while I just sat on the couch and breathed slow and tried to relax all the anxiety. And I am still here on the couch trying to breathe and relax my anxiety. 

Praying new lungs come soon. 

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