Sitting on more and more oxygen and needing to do my nebs more than I have....must mean its time to think about another round of antibiotics. I am back to the point with the transplant process of thinking how I need to lungs soon because living with this health is not a way to live.
My lungs are getting so heavy. So heavy that my posture is getting worse and I look forward to Jeremy coming home so he can lift them up for me. Sounds weird but he squeezes my chest and lift the load upwards. It takes so much weight and pressure of my chest that I can breathe for that little bit with some ease. Suffocating is very uncomfortable.
But I am trying to not think about that and stay the fighter I know I need to be. To continue to do things I love because it helps. I am still cooking. I am still taking Laila places she enjoys. Still going out with Jeremy. Still trying to keep my house in some what order. Still do things "normal" people do. Sadly, it is getting harder and I run home from WalMart gasping for my oxygen. Maybe its time to bring it with me. But then I get the looks and it just makes me so upset. I WANT TO BE NORMAL....HEALTHY.
I know that once I get lungs I will still have problems. I know that I will still have tons (even more) meds. I know its by far not a cure. But I also know that I want air in my lungs, I want to breathe, I want to feel semi healthy. On my worst day I want to feel 10x better than I do on my best day now.
I am ready...ring phone, ring.
Praying each night for your phone to ring, with the perfect lungs. You are such an awesome mom, and wife. I wish I lived closer and I could help you out. Keep your head up.
ReplyDeleteI'm so honored to know you, Cassie and will be praying for you.
ReplyDelete~Stephanie
Cassie- That is such a powerful picture you put on here. It made me feel proud to be a donor. I am sending positive love and energy your way. I pray the time comes soon for you, your beautiful daughter, and your family.
ReplyDelete