My Moments to Breathe

Monday, August 20, 2012

Tune Up

So I decided I needed to see what all I had in progress on my "100 Things" list. Holy Cow, I am one busy girl. And to tell you the truth I like being busy with all these things and have them to look forward to. Time to buckle down on a few and get them done. The big one on my list write now is writing a childrens book for Laila...I have too many ideas and need to nail one down!

My mood has been a little melancholy the last few days. I think it all stems from the Augusts of past and now this year August means giving up my baby and realizing she is a "bigger girl" as she like to say. As the weather cools down and school supplies are in the store, heck I even saw caramel apples, it brings back many memories: Thanksgivings at Boppa and Ma's, saying goodbye to Jeremy for 3 months, starting school with friends I don't see as much, playing sports, Picc lines, attending Michigan football games with my dad. Just memories.

Ok so I have had a few people ask me (and my fam) how my health has been. SIGH. Well, it is better. As I have been told to say "I'm hanging in there." I am not sure I will ever be able to say good again. The cold really knocked me backwards, but it is fall, and fall has never been a good season, health wise, for this CF patient.

I finally called the doctor a few days ago and we decided that it is time for a "tune up"....UGH!  There is never going to be a good time to go in, but you know that motto I talked about, "You gotta do what you gotta do when you gotta do it," plays a big role right now. But, of course, I need to be a mom first so luckily the hospital stay got pushed back a few weeks. My poor baby doesn't even know what a "normal" life is...this is her "normal" life. Totally not fair of me to do this to her, very selfish.

I hate knowing that I have not gained enough weight and knowing my PFT (pulmonary function test) went down. My PFT can't go down too much more or that won't, well, to put it anymore me. I need them both to go up so that I can one day put my name on the transplant list (here is a topic for an entirely other post...) This whole subject just makes me want to scream and I feel like a person who isn't as strong as I should be (another topic for other post...)

Eat and Breathe: a full time job!

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